The Early Bird

Keith recently found an article that said that successful people tend to get up early. But what if your goal is to sleep in?


Last time I wrote I mentioned Owen was having trouble sleeping and was being a fairly terrible two. Since then we've made a few changes, with some positive results.


We initiated a "no tv and no computer week". Owen got into the habit of wanting to watch youtube videos on our computers (mainly Winnie the Pooh or Cars). We were worried that Owen was having nightmares (I thought I heard him wake up and say "The Owl scared me!"), and computer time after dinner was delaying bed time. We made an effort to hide our laptops (which normally make a regular appearance at our house). For the first part of the week Owen kept asking to watch something, but we reminded him, "it's no TV and no computer week!". Toward the end of the week he slowed down his asking, and hasn't asked for it much since.

We have implemented more discipline and scheduling into our day. We make it a point to warn Owen what's coming next: "We'll read this book, then it's time to wash our hands for dinner". Then we have to stick to the plan; inevitably he'll try for another book/toy, and if we give in he knows he can negotiate with us all of the time. We've started giving him time outs, which I'm not convinced of the effectiveness of yet. Sometimes he'll choose the time out over the preferred action ("If you don't wash your hands, you'll get a time out." "I want a time out."). But I think it has worked some of the time.


We started letting Owen choose (for the most part) who put him to bed. For about a week he chose only me, so that's what we did. I think the consistency of having me there each night helped (plus alleviated some jealousy of my time with Sophie). We had been staying with Owen in his bed until he feel asleep. In order to try and break him of that I started sitting on a "special" pillow on the floor next to the bed. The first night Owen kept getting out of bed and wanted to sit in my lap; I kept placing him back in bed. We did that SIXTY-FIVE TIMES (!) the first night. The second night was sixteen times; the third night was once. We are still a long way from being able to leave the room before he falls asleep, but it's a start. It's still a struggle to get him to bed as early as we'd like, but at least he's more consistently falling asleep before 9pm, than after.


He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night as often, but still consistently gets up at 5:30am or 6am (when he was in his crib he would sleep until 7am). We're trying the rule "we can't go downstairs until the clock says 7am", but so far that isn't having much of an effect on his actual sleeping. My newest theories are that he wakes up having to pee or wakes up cold. He has a favorite blankie, but it's fairly light and small. If he's awake he refuses to wear any other blanket. Not sure what we'll try next. We've thought about putting a gate on his door, but we're not really convinced that would do anything. I think this may just be a phase we have to live through.


His day time attitude still has some rough patches, but he definitely has shown some improvement. It's really quite bizarre sometimes - he just gets really upset all of a sudden for no good reason (at least not apparent to us). Last night we were coloring with markers, and anything I tried to draw made him cry as if we were taking away his favorite toy. Then he calmed down and we had no more trouble the rest of the night. But these upset times seem to be diminishing from the 3-4 times daily occurence they once were.


Sophie started a new medicine for reflux, which has shown some improvement in her overall demeanor and with her nippling, albeit spotty. She is more consistently nippling 50cc's, with an occasional 90. But also an occasional zero. We will be working with a feeding specialist in the next few weeks. Her gas seems to have gotten worse, so the next grocery trip will include soy milk and yogurt for me. A non-dairy diet helped alleviate the gas for Owen as a baby, so we'll see if that helps Sophie.


I started back to work this week, part time (about 20 hours/week). On days when we have doctor appointments it's difficult to get enough work done, but on days when we have nothing and I have help from the grandmas it's nice to do something more "normal". Although it's more difficult to catch up with sleep with naps.


Postscript: Owen was asleep by 8:30pm last night, and slept until 7am this morning (except for waking up at 1am). I call that success!

I'm No Superman

First, I'm overdue in thanking everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I'm constantly hearing about new people that are reading the blog, which is humbling - nurses, co-workers, friends, relatives, friends of relatives, and even relatives of friends. Although a few of you have said that I'm a really good writer, which makes me think you're accidentally reading the wrong blog. :-)

As I mentioned before, I have turned to the tv to alleviate some of the stress (and boredom) that comes with taking care of Sophie. Right now I'm watching season 2 of Scrubs. My apologies to those of you (Hi Mom!) that hate getting the theme song stuck in your head, but that's what I've had to deal with the last couple of weeks (that and Winnie the Pooh). If you aren't familiar with it, the chorus goes "I can't do this all on my own...no I'm no...I'm no superman". This has rung especially true for me lately. The support of my friends and family has never been so important to me as it is right now. Whether it be grandparents watching Owen, lunch with a friend, or just someone holding Sophie so I can do other things, life would be so much more tough without them.

I could also change the words to "I can't do this without sleep". My attitude suffers greatly when I don't get enough sleep. I get frustrated and emotional a lot easier when I'm tired. As with any new parents, getting sleep is a struggle for us. Between Sophie waking up with reflux or to poop (she gets a continuous drip feed at night so at least we don't have to worry about that) and Owen getting up in the middle of the night, we don't get a lot of continuous (or total) sleep. Owen will not go to sleep without one of us there with him, and gets up either in the middle of the night or really early the next day.

Owen is also a handful during the day. He throws a mini tantrum any time we say "no", and it takes a ton of energy to get him to do things like wash his hands, brush his teeth, take a bath, or change his clothes. As I write this he is throwing a MAJOR fit because Daddy is putting him to bed instead of me. He's been screaming for 5 minutes and is still going. [Postscript: I ended up going upstairs and putting him to sleep because he would just not calm down. Right thing to do? Maybe not, but he was going to hurt himself if he continued. Once he calmed down I explained to him that some nights Mommy is going to put him to bed, sometimes Daddy. Doesn't mean I don't love him when Daddy puts him to bed, but we like to take turns and share. He said, "oh". I told him that tonight I would put him to sleep but tomorrow night Daddy would. He said that would be ok. We'll see what he does tomorrow night.] Yesterday he wanted a lollipop, and since he had just peed on the potty I was going to give him one as a treat. But he refused to wash his hands, so I told him no lollipop unless he washed his hands. I could tell he was thinking about it, but he never did wash his hands. I never thought that he would be such a terrible two. Obviously the stress of Sophie being at home is getting to him. At least he's a good eater - along with the green beans, he continues to eat healthier than a lot of adults: pinto beans, edamame, okra, and even collard greens.

Unfortunately there has been no progress on the feeding front for Sophie. She is consistenly taking only 30-40% of her feeds from the bottle. We are hoping to work with a speech therapist that specializes in feeding issues, and are currently working with her other doctors to make sure she feels her best. This is, of course, frustrating for us, most of all because we don't know what the future holds. A trip to the P.O.P.S.I.C.L.E. website for feeding issues makes me both depressed (knowing what issues some people have) and hopeful (that Sophie is not as bad off as others).

She still cries a decent amount, but Sophie is continuing to get bigger and is starting to get out of the newborn phase. When people see her for the first time they often say, "Oh, how small!". But to me she is huge - she is now double her birth weight (10 lbs). She has more alert periods and keeps her gaze on us often. I can tell she is on the verge of smiling at us and making goo-goo noises.

Despite all of the frustrations we are slowly getting into a routine and do occasionally have some fun. This was the first Halloween that Owen went trick or treating, so we had a lot of fun this past weekend. Saturday morning was the NICU's annual reunion. It was nice to see a lot of Sophie's nurses, albeit a little weird to go back to the place that was the location of so much emotion for us. We went to Tempe's Halloween festival on Saturday night. Owen got to go in a fire truck and jump in the bouncy tent, where he had a lot of fun in his own reserved kind of way (the other kids in the tent were jumping all over the place, while Owen bounced in one spot). He was an alien at the festival since we didn't really have time to go look for a costume. He had asked to be an elephant, which I thought would be impossible to do last minute. I was hoping to get a pumpkin at the last minute, but alas, no. Imagine my surprise when we happened to see a toddler elephant costume 50% off at Albertson's the morning of Halloween! Owen himself really surprised me by absolutely loving trick or treating. After every house he would say "Let's go to another house". He even asked to go in our neighbor's haunted house! I guess the dark and/or the costume helped him overcome his shyness.

Please continue to pray for us as we learn to navigate life with two kids who demand a lot of our attention. There are times that we definitely need all the (divine and earthly) help we can get!

Here are some recent pictures. More are on our Picasa websites here and here.

From o so october 10

Halloween. Sophie had an elephant on her shirt too. You can see her feeding pump in the background.

From o so october 10

From o so november 10

You can barely see Sophie's scar from the liver surgery, but her G-tube is pretty obvious.

Green beans!

About two weeks ago now, Owen gobbled down some green beans. And then he had some more. I facebooked that he set a world record, but we could only estimate the number that he ate. A couple of days later, I made sure to count. We guessed he ate 24 in the previous attempt, so I laid out 25 for him on a plate. After having some of his other dinner, he got to work.

He wasn't that interested at first, but green beans are one of the foods that we have a "fun" way to eat--a typewriter style of chomps. Owen doesn't quite have the direction right--I do it from the side so he can see it go into my mouth, but he goes straight in. But once he got started, he kept going. Joanne captured his record breaking attempt:



So 25 green beans. That is a mighty fine number. THe video ends with Owen refusing #26, but he was just catching his breath. He had a little water, then got back in the groove. We put more on his plate, and as he continued to down them, he started sharing, giving one to Joanne and one to me. He kept the biggest ones for himself.

He finished the night with 36, with the last one being a raw one.

On Tuesday, he topped even that with 38, but I think that deserves an asterisk. He did the green beans first and he had, by my eye, more smaller ones. Still, when I ask people what's a good number of green beans for a toddler to eat (i'm talking about real green beans where you cut off the tips, not the canned cut up stuff), pretty much everyone says four. Nana claims it's hereditary though--apparently my brother and I both ate our beans, even choosing them over cookies, which perplexed my grandfather. If we did the same, I think Owen would pick the beans. But if it was a corn muffin... Well, Owen claims to like only one thing more than corn muffins and that's milk.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Sometimes when we watch a scary or emotional movie, afterwards I will say, "Now I need a comedy". And we'll pop in a Seinfeld or Arrested Development or whatever comedy we have been watching and it will clear my mind and lift my spirits. After two weeks of being at home and not really watching any tv, I needed a comedy this weekend. Keith seemed to sense this when he put Anchorman in the player without even asking me if I wanted to watch anything.

The first few weeks of having a newborn can be pretty frustrating, and Sophie's homecoming has been no exception. It seems like the dirty diapers and the dishes (from feeding and pumping) are never ending. Sophie almost always wants to be held, which makes getting anything done almost impossible (slings are great, but there are some things you just can't do with the sling, like pump or nap). My two goals for the weekend were to go throw the frisbee and to decide what we are going to do with our backyard. Neither of those happened. I did get out of the house to go to church and grocery shopping. To a lot of people those are annoyances, but when you are pretty much stuck inside the house all the time, just getting out can be relaxing. When I was pregnant I was looking forward to taking Sophie shopping on my maternity leave. But since we rely on the feeding tube (which is portable but a burden) and can't take her to public places, getting out is hard. I did manage to make it out to Keith's league game last week, and will probably go this week. But my thought of perhaps playing in a tournament in early December is dead. I have gotten some exercise, but my legs need a lot more PT before my knee will let me play. Sophie herself is doing ok, but is pretty bothered by gas, a diaper rash, and irritation with her g-tube. She is consistently only taking about half of her feeds from the bottle, with really no improvement since she's been home.

All of this has made me pretty frustrated at times. I have to constantly remind myself of my own advice to new parents: remember that all phases (both good and bad) will end. I tell myself that Sophie will grow up to be a normal, smiley baby in just a few short months. But then sometimes I doubt my own words - what if she needs the g-tube for years? What if she has other developmental issues? I just have to trust that God knows the proper time table for Sophie, which is easier said than done.

In the meantime, I'm going to pop in another DVD while I do some more dishes. I don't think Anchorman helped any of Sophie's ills (I don't think she quite understood the jokes :-) ), but for me it's pretty good medicine.

The Art of Nippling

Yesterday we met with the speech therapist from the hospital to follow up on how Sophie is doing at home. (Speech, you may ask? Yes, apparently "speech" therapy includes nippling for babies.) The therapist has been very happy with how far Sophie has come since she was born. But she encouraged us to not push her to hard to avoid consequences in the future.

Most parents take for granted that their newborn will be able to eat (whether that means breastfeed or bottle) straight out of the womb. Sure, it might take some time to latch on the breast correctly, but the ability to eat is something they are born with, right? Not for premies. As the nurses at the hospital explained, eating is the most complex thing that a baby has to do. They have to coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing all at the same time. One of the common misconceptions is that if the baby can suck on a pacifier, then she is alert enough or able to eat. A pacifier only requires sucking and breathing; the swallowing part complicates things.

When Sophie was first learning to nipple, she would suck, suck, suck, suck, suck...swallow...breathe, breathe, breathe. It was a very slow process. She now has learned to suck, suck, swallow, breathe...suck, suck, swallow, breathe. This is what allows babies to down a bottle without taking a break. But Sophie still has some issues during her feedings, especially when she tires of nippling. This is where we as the feeder come in. If the nipple has milk in it, it will drip some out, even if she's not sucking. To help her not choke on it, we put her in a side-line position: she's on her side with her neck in a neutral position. By being on her side, if there is any extraneous drips from the bottle it collects in her cheek, not the back of her throat. We keep her hands in front of her chest so her throat and chest are open and she is relaxed. We also look for cues that she needs a break; if her head pulls back or she stops sucking we are supposed to tilt the bottle slightly so no milk is in it. Then we need to realize when it is time to stop; if she is not alert and rooting it is easier for her to choke.

The therapist explained that it is very important for us to not push Sophie too hard so that eating is a positive experience for her now. If she has a negative experience now, she might not be willing to eat solid foods as readily. She also explained that at 3-4 months, babies lose the reflex to suck when something is put in their mouths, so that is also a pivotal time to make sure nippling goes smoothly.

It's hard not to push her; I'd like to see her nipple all of her feeds so that we can have more "normalcy" (and avoid the hassle of the pump). However, as the nurses always said, Sophie has to decide when she's ready. I'm ready whenever she is. :-)

The day after a good day

It is 10:04 pm as I start to write this post. Owen is still awake. It appears I disrupted some karmic balance in last night's post about our bed time routine. This morning, at about 7:40 am, he came running into our room--he discovered he could get out of his bed and go where he wants.

So tonight, the "daddy don't go" turned into running after daddy. He's not staying in his bed. He is adamant about going to the our "bigger" bed. We're at about 75 minutes of this now. Joanne subbed in for me about 40 minutes ago. I don't think it's over yet. He's also agitated enough to climb out of his crib, so that's not a threat.

Hmm... maybe I should have went about that differently.

Sophie had a decent day. Not quite as good as yesterday. So consistency is still something she needs to work on. I do think she's getting quite a bit of rest though. We'll see if Owen gets any tonight.

POSTSCRIPT: I subbed back in for Joanne at 10:15. We read some more with him on my lap. Didn't work. I read to him from a chair next to the bed (we have been using the crib as the side rail, so I moved that out of the way). Didn't work. So I gave in and waited for him to go to sleep, which was around 11. I took a little nap myself. I left Owen's room after 1 am. Sophie did her normal somewhat awake/neediness between 2-6 am. Owen, after going to bed two hours later than normal made up for it by waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual. Outstanding.

A Good Day

Today has been a good day for many reasons. First, we had some awesome rain storms today.


The video was taken just after the fiercest part of the first storm. We had 3 total throughout the day. For those of you not in Phoenix, this may not be something noteworthy. But when you only get 7 inches of rain a year, getting 1+ in one day is huge. And there was wind. And lightning. And hail. I was loving it. Sophie, well, she slept through most of it.

[Parts in Blue written by Keith]
But even better than the weather was Sophie's day. Her feed log:
8:30 AM: 60 bottle 20 tube
11:45 AM: 80 bottle
3:30 PM: 15 minutes of breastfeeding
5:30 PM: 50 bottle 30 tube
8:30 PM: 75 bottle 5 tube
That's almost 85% (270 out of 320 prescribed) directly from the bottle (her daytime feeding schedule is set roughly as 80mL at 9, 1, 5 and 9), including two practically complete feeds. I also feel a somewhat vindicated, as I'm not a fan of the 4 hour feed schedule for Sophie. Owen was sub 3 hours for a long time. So her lack of strength might be a lack of energy from too long of a time to since food. I asked Dr. Aaron yesterday about flexibility in the feed because of that thought, so I think a fifth feed (or fourth and a half) may help. Plus, she latched on the breast for about 15 minutes. And actually got a good deal of milk from it, which really is a first. If anything was bad about her feeds today (and especially last night), it was that she spit up a lot of times. I am learning that I need to burp her more often, even when she is getting her milk from the tube.
Sophie also got some good sleep today, which meant that she also had some happy awake times. I used Megan's borrowed Baby K'tan during the rain and before during, and Sophie was very happy in it. After weeks of having a baby whose only awake times were spent crying, those are pretty special. The process of pooping continues to bother her, but tonight she even spent a couple of minutes on the changing table without crying, which might be a first. I remarked that today was a good day--perhaps a real turning point--a ray of sunshine on day that didn't actually have that much. Joanne overheard me telling Sophie this and got a little verklempt.

And Owen is very happy to have his baby sister home. While he seems to have some mom withdrawal, none of that seems directed at Sophie. He is excited to see her when he comes home from school. He asked to hold her again after dinner (which he didn't have much of--never start with dessert (the corn muffin)). He talked to her about the dog on his shirt, the flower on hers. He went to get her favorite car (the Sheriff for some reason we can't figure out). He went to get the letters of her name from the fridge.



After his bath, I brought Sophie up and I had Sophie on my lap and he climbed up, and we started to talking. "Sophie's not going anywhere" in a happy tone, he said. "Sophie's my baby sister! I'm her big brother!"

Then the night got better for me, as I got to put Owen to sleep. As Joanne mentioned, we moved him to a twin bed on the floor about 10 days ago. Now, rather than reading to him while sitting on a chair, we read while laying on the bed. So I read a story or three (Roo's Nature Day is the current favorite), then turn down the light, then we sing Old McDonald--he picks the animals. After I turn off the light he asks me to lay back down with him. Oh, how he snuggles! "Family nap daddy" "Don't go daddy" "Stay here daddy". If I start to get up, he'll grab my shirt or anything to keep me there. And I'd like to stay. It's one thing to have a sleeping toddler/baby on you who finds you comfortable. It's quite another to have them awake and want you there. It's tough to leave because I want to stay, but I know I don't want him to have the expectation that I will stay, as I don't want him to have that as a crutch to go to sleep. So I get up, he cries and asks for me. But when I close the door, he asks for Mommy. He's ready to sleep though, and has generally quite within a minute of leaving.

I didn't get a nap today like I had planned, but I did get some exercise (rowing), a shower (the mothers out there know how special that can be), and some appointments made. AND a blog post done.

That's a good day! :-)