As you might recall, Owen's bedtime routine/sleep habits after Sophie came home left something to be desired. It all started with quite possibly our most horrid parenting decision--moving Owen to a regular mattress within days of Sophie coming home. Stupid. Looking back, I can't think of any reason we did that, and I'm pretty sure I advocated for it. So this led to months of Owen not falling asleep by himself--him needed us by his side, him getting up to find us, etc., as we could not bring ourselves to lock him in his room.
Right around the time he turned 3, he really started to improve, with some help from the Good-Nite Light (a moon night light that changes into a sun when it's time to get up and out of the room) and some rewards (Cars of course) for staying in bed all night. It still wasn't the fastest bedtime routine, but we were fairly certain that when we left the room, he would stay there. That went well for about 3 months, then we went to San Diego for a week in June and he spent that week between us in a King bed. After returning home, there was some diminished sleep skills, but nothing that bad. That came at the end of August after Joanne took the kids up to Pinetop with her parents at the end of August. After that we were almost back to where we were 7 months earlier, but worse. Not only did we need to linger outside his room, but then he started to wake up every 2 hours or so after completing a full round of his sleep cycle. The first time wasn't that bad, as we were still up and he'd go the bathroom (I don't recall any accidents he had in bed after switching to underwear at night). The second time, I'd generally still be up or at least awake. But the third time... the third time he'd get into our bed and most times stay there the rest of the night.
His pattern was very regular. The first time he'd be agitated and crying until one of us got to him. The second time, a little loud but not crying. The third time, silent and stealthy and he'd be between us in bed. The Good Nite Lite, which worked well for a few months, still worked... kind of. He'd ask us, while laying in our bed if the sun was up. What's odd is that he had learned to stay in his room while Sophie was still in our room, but when she finally moved to her own room after the Pinetop trip, that's when Owen really regressed.
Joanne and I talked about the family bed, but didn't really look into any studies about it, or negative consequences of what he was doing (coming into our room) or not doing (self soothing, sleeping independently). I read justifications of the family bed--that humans are the only mammals that don't sleep as families, and what not, but I think we both felt like we shouldn't do that because you're not supposed to do that.
It came to the point that we were both frustrated by the middle of the night wakeups, but we were not really opposed to the early morning snuggling. Right after Christmas, Owen began sleeping on the floor in his room in his "tent" (a sheet stretched between his dresser and chairs near his bed. That improved the falling asleep routine for a few weeks, but I ended up going into his room and sleeping on the floor as well after he woke up. When we moved him back to his bed, we really started talking to him about how it was important for him to stay in his room all night. We didn't have any good 3 going on 4 year old justifications, but Owen was agreeable to it, but not until he turned 4. Joanne and I were skeptical he meant it. Owen's star system was 10 stars meant he got a car. A year ago he got a car for staying in bed all night and we weaned down the reward. To induce a good start when he turned four, we offered him the same deal. The first night, if he stayed in bed he would get a car. We also started experimenting with an music alarm in addition to the good night lite. And we did say he was allowed to get up once to go to the bathroom.
Owen turned four less than three weeks ago. The Sunday after his birthday... he stayed in bed all night! He was proud. We were thrilled. I was optimistic. Joanne wasn't so sure it would be that easy.
And it wasn't. Kind of. The next two night he got up multiple times but... BUT... he never came into our room. That second nigh he kept getting up to go potty (three times). He also wanted to watch the clock, waiting for the music to start, so I sat with him in his room for about an hour until the music started. The third, a little more of the same, and I think that was the night he opened our door, but talked to us from the doorway. We talked to him more about he was improving but had to do a little more, and that it would be easier if he stayed in bed and slept, as time would go faster.
Since the fourth night, though, he's been very good for the most part. He's gotten cars the last two weekends for the good job he's done staying in bed. We've been able to leave his room more easily at night, he's gotten over waking up every two hours (he has had I think two nights of waking up at 2:30 or so for the bathroom break), and he responds well to the music and sunrise. This past weekend, he got up about 20 minutes early, opened our door (and didn't come in), and I asked him if the sun was up. He looked into his room, saw that it wasn't and went back in. SUCCESS!
As I finish this post now three weeks later, Owen's still doing great at this. With league and some other night events, he's getting to bed later than we'd like a few times a week, but as far as we can tell he's sleeping through and asleep until at least 6:30. This has produced what seems like a not insignificant increase in energy, which is mostly a positive.
Owen getting Lewis Hamilton almost 3 weeks ago (excuse my early morning grogginess):
While this was the biggest deal we made about things he would start doing, it wasn't the only thing. Things a four year old Owen does willingly that a three year old Owen resisted:
- Drinking a cup without a top (young Owen would do up to 20 sips then get the top; old Owen doesn't ask for a top, but also doesn't drink as much)
- More effort in getting his shirts on by himself (I blame myself for going back and forth between headfirst and arms first)
- Wiping after #2 (skill is still not proficient)
- Flossing (to be fair, this was not introduced as a three year old)
- Ignore us when we repeatedly ask him a question (more proof of his precocity--he's at least 10 years ahead of schedule
- Eating his cereal all by himself.
- Finally started to pedal on his own for a modest distance oh his trike (this one we hadn't really consistently practiced, and we have a trike that while very sturdy and high quality, is simply to heavy and cumbersome for Owen)
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